you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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