You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
