At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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