EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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