Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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