i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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