about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
