How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
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He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
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Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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