saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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