If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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