I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
