Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
