i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
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I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I came so hard my ears popped.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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