Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
