I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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