My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
