You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
