How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
