She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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