You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize