i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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