i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Randomize
