i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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