I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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