Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
