dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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