Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
