so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
