he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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