I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
