Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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