DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
