Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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