You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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