i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
