You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
