you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
