I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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