do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
