he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize