I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
