Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
