Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
