You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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