I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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