we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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