Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
