Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
