I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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