I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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