so that wasnt chicken after all
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize