It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
