Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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