hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize