im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize