And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
