he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
