sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
