I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
