There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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