it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
