my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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