Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
