Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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