now i know why i became what i already was.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
